Als überzeugten Opportunisten gehen uns Katzen die politischen Machenschaften von Menschen normalerweise ja komplett an der Schwanzspitze vorbei. Ich sage normalerweise. Denn zur Zeit ist bekanntlich nichts mehr normal :

Auf der einen Seite der Welt soll die gesamte freilebende Katzenpopulation ausgelöscht werden, auf der anderen Seite der Welt verbietet ein angeblicher „Pussy“-Liebhaber Persern die Einreise in sein Land und arbeitet auf einen Handelskrieg mit Deutschland hin. Für viele Katzen eine Katastrophe, denn ein Großteil der in Deutschland erhältlichen Katzenminze wird derzeit aus den USA importiert.

Da ich als Unternehmerkatze eine gewisse soziale und gesellschaftspolitische Verantwortung besitze, sehe ich mich gezwungen, dem Beispiel der europäischen Regierungen zu folgen und – ausnahmsweise – ebenfalls einen Appell in Richtung Amerika zu schicken:

Letter to America

Dear Mr. President,

I heard you like pussies. That’s fantastic, because I am a pussy. No chance to grab me, though, no matter the size of your hands. Because I am Persian, and they didn’t let me into your country. Too bad! But I’m not your type anyway. Because I design and make pussy toys. Some (in your terms: most) say they are the best pussy toys in the world. And I wouldn’t dream of making them in the US. I make them in Germany. Yes, that’s Europe! Pretty close to that hellhole called Brussels. Unlike Belgium, Germany is a country, though, not a city.

My pussy toy company even sells a pussy drug. It’s absolutely fantastic. Pussies love it. I am importing it from that country behind that great big wall. No, not Mexico. You haven’t built that wall yet, remember? It’s from that other country you like to insult. No, not Germany, either. My company is based in Germany, so obviously, I wouldn’t have to import anything from there. Besides, we don’t have that wall in Germany anymore. I am speaking of China. Hard to guess, I know, especially since that pussy drug has an American name. It’s called Silver Vine. Yes, the Chinese copy everything. Even your hairdo. It’s ridiculous. And it’s not even the people I am talking about, but the pheasants. It’s true.

Speaking of countries on your insult list, maybe we could agree on a deal anyway. I heard you like deals – so much, that you even write books about them. I also heard you don’t like the Australian Government because they want to dump thousands of illegal immigrants in the U. S. Well, I don’t like the Australian Government, either, because they want to kill millions of innocent pussies in their countryside. Total disaster! Not just for the Australian pussy population, but for my entire invasive species. I know, you couldn’t care less about the environment, animals and all that other greenish nuisance that gets in the way of economic growth. It’s only America first for you. But it’s an open secret that we pussies aim for world domination, too. We won’t accept second places. We are no pussies, after all – err, we are. But we are definitely no European government, believe me. So you’d better cooperate with us. Or we will happily step back to lurk at the end of the line, watching America being first indeed. Because as it says in those books you chose for your inauguration: “The last will be first, and the first will be last.“ And that will be absolutely fantastic, I know it will!

Best wishes from across the pond,
Felina – Chief Pussy & Head of PR & Alternative Facts at kätts Pussy Toy Company, Hamburg, Germany